Throughout my life, whether as a child, married, divorced, or dating, I often felt unhappy. I yearned for the kind of love I read about in books and saw in movies. I longed for someone to come and rescue me, to offer a trade of my pain for a happily ever after. I waited and waited for such a person to arrive. When he did, I was informed that he was not here to save me; that could only be done by me. I absorbed this as much as I could, finding some contentment in his presence. As our journey together unfolded, he continuously reminded me that the answers I sought were in discovering more about myself.
This morning, as I read, the words on the page leaped out at me. They conveyed, in essence, "I AM who you have been waiting for." It was a moment of profound clarity: the realization that it had always been me, This explains my soul's inexhaustible desire and search which could not cease without being reunited with my True self.
In that moment, I understood that no human being could ever fill a void that only God is big enough to fill. Not a parent, not a child, not a boyfriend, nor husband, nor a friend. Not a vice, a coping pattern or anything that is of this world. This realization wasn't from a religious perspective, but from a deeper understanding of the Oneness that Yeshua spoke of when he said, "My Father and I are one." It appears that my "Prince Charming" has arrived at last. It was me all along. The I AM.
I am not criticizing anyone's desire to be happy or to find true love. If it had not been for this dream, of someday finding my own true love, I would not have accessed the courage buried deep within that it takes to move into each step. I would not have discovered what it means to discern my hearts desires and to allow them to be my guide and lead. I wanted “this” more than a man whose hair is on fire wants a lake. The pull for love has been the way Spirit got me to embark on the greatest journey of all. Now I understand what was meant when I had the vision of the Mystical Marriage during a meditation years ago. It was a vision of me dancing in celebration with my own True Self, my beloved I AM. It was me remembering my vow to remember God.
That once lonely, love-starved child is now discovering what it means to be loved from beyond this world by our Heavenly Father and what it feels like to be loved by our own Earthly Mother, Gaia herself.
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